Monday, September 21, 2020

Is there any difference between the way you understood love as a single and now that you are married?

  Is there any difference between the way you understood love as a single and now that you are married?




So far so good, my understanding of love while single remains the same now that I am married. I never took love as just a word but an act. I always saw it as simply a ‘give and take’ concept that involves acceptance, understanding, tolerance, sacrifice at some point, selflessness, empathy. In summary, Love is same, single or married.

   What was the most important attribute you were looking out for in a partner?

   Understanding, yes! Handsome and good looking, yes ooo!! Humble, honest, God fearing but not a fanatic, every good thing but most of all, empathetic. An empathetic man is an understanding, loving and caring man, with no pride. My view though

  How were you convinced about him being “the one”?

   I’m always myself with him likewise him with me. My kind of craze is his, like we ‘craze’ together, we literally do everything together. He does nothing without my knowledge, like nothing. I am always in the picture, from picking out outfits to taking decision on everything. He’ll never ever judge me, rather corrects me with love.

Always peaceful. He made me his priority and my happiness his. He looks out for me all the time. Has grade one in overlooking unnecessary things. Not a fanatic but he sincerely loves God.

   People say marriage isn’t always a bed of roses, true or true?

   Marriage isn’t always a bed of roses, yes. It has its ups and downs and challenges. Sometimes you are faced with problems waiting to be solved with money, sometimes your partner falls ill or faces challenges at work or with his or her family, costing them happiness and peace of mind. It is then left for you as the partner to go out of your way to cheer and help solve the problem. Sometimes a little misunderstanding comes up and a fight/quarrel ensues, but that shouldn’t linger. Always make sure you make up. Bae and I do have misunderstandings sometimes but it doesn’t matter and has never cost us our happiness or peace of mind because we always find a way to make up.

   Advise to young ladies who are about to embark on the journey of forever and those already married  . (Please, this is the most important part. Kindly open your heart).

   Marriage isn’t something anyone embarks on without being ready all round for it and certain about it. It is a lifetime journey with no one else but you and your man. Be prepared because it won’t be rosy always. Misunderstanding will come up at some point (remember, two different individuals from different backgrounds are living together), you’ll fight but be sure to make up and do it as soon as possible.

No two people agree on everything, and that’s okay, but it’s important to be okay with each other’s differences. Don’t argue to win or lose but always work with your man to proffer solutions to any problem. Never work alone; carry him along in all u do, work alongside him, he’ll be pushed to do same with u. Bear in mind that love is a commitment and not just a feeling. Never miss making time together with your man a priority. This is the currency of every relationship, so make sure to invest in it.

Don’t let the initial spark and happiness depart from your home; always find reasons to laugh even in the hard times. Don’t cease being his top fan/encourager not his top critic; that doesn’t mean you won’t correct him, you will but don’t criticise him disrespectfully. Don’t compare your marriage, yours is unique.

Avoid secrecy, it is an enemy to intimacy. Exempt lies, they break trust which is the foundation of every strong relationship. Whenever you make mistakes, admit them and seek forgiveness. Give your best to him and not leftovers after you’ve given to everyone else, I bet he’ll do same.

Make him your world, he will definitely make you his. You wouldn’t make him go days without food or water, so don’t make him go days without you, that is to say, prioritize what happens in the bedroom; it takes more than sex to build a strong marriage but it is nearly impossible to build a strong one without it.

Practice patience. Allow him his space when he needs it, we all at some point in our lives need space to be alone. When other things become more important, such as careers, children, and personal pursuits, trouble sets in. Make the relationship your top priority, but don’t lose yourself doing so. Permit your marriage flourish.

Never lose the fine art of dating. Set aside a romantic evening every once in a while. Take time to have some fun together every day, with today’s hectic schedules, it’s easy to find your marriage at the bottom of the priority list but never let that happen, always initiate fun things you can do together because u know men, they sometimes fail in that aspect; Take a walk and hold hands (nature calms), cook together, share little hugs and kisses with him, dance and play (food/pillow fight or any play at all), see movies together; It doesn’t have to be expensive, but if you make the commitment and effort to laugh together as often as possible, it can sweeten your connection and cement your relationship for life. Increase the use of the following statements:

“I love you’, ‘I’m here for you’, “I understand’, ‘I’m sorry’, ‘Thank you’, ‘I really appreciate all that you do’. Compliment your spouse everyday. A compliment is a sign of acknowledgment and appreciation. Make an effort to affirm your spouse’s value in life, and in love, it makes him appreciate you as well. You are entitled to the occasional bad moods, but you are not entitled to making your partner the whipping girl or boy. Always make sure u come around. He would not know what you’re feeling, thinking or why you’re upset, you will have to tell him, don’t just nag.

Learn your man’s language. What makes him feel most loved? What ticks him off? Always pray for him. Obey God, it does wonders in your home. If your spouse treats you with kindness, gentleness, patience and self-control, it’s easy for you to respond kindly, and if you are treated badly, with anger, impatience, etc., it’s difficult to be nice in return, right? So, focus on how you can be a blessing to your spouse, his happiness and peace, and, in turn, you will be blessed and happy and so will your marriage.

Be romantic, occasionally leave him notes or SMS reminding him how much you love him, how grateful you are to have him, how much of a blessing he is to you, just be creative. Do what works for you.

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